Posts (page 2)
I would say that the success of my SXSW experience can be measured by the fact that my picture and name were featured in the official Mary-kate and Ashley blog. Success!
- Katie had another essay published! READ IT.
- I will be making an exciting announcement about Consumating at SXSW.
- In April, I will once again be a free agent.
Most of the time, when Katie and I get to the MUNI stop at Casto and Market, there is a large crowd waiting on the platform. Sometimes the train is late, and sometimes we just arrive at the ass end of the schedule, and sometimes there are just a lot of people who want to take a MUNI at 9:30 in the morning. Whatever the reason, it is almost always very crowded on the platform while we wait for the next train.
We wait, and it is crowded, and I don't like it. People don't look at one another, and it is eerily quiet because nobody talks, not even to the people who they are with. When people do talk, it feels like everyone is watching and judging them, so I whisper to Katie things like, "I hate people" and "Oh my god, I think my ebola is really kicking in now."
And then the train arrives, and the train is crowded too. I can always see as the train whizzes into the station that all the seats are already filled and there are already people hanging on to the overhead bars. But when the doors slide open, everyone in the station piles into the train. They pile in to the middle of the car, and to the end of the car. Then they pile into the doorway, past the yellow TO NOT STAND PAST THIS LINE line. Most of the time, just as the doors are about to close, a few more people leap into the train, pressing themselves up against the already crowded crowd.
The door alarm rings because someone's backpack or coat sleeve is blocking the door, and people inside the train grumble and people at the door try to scoot just a half inch closer so that the door will close and seal them in to the train with all the other people.
Katie and I stand on the platform and watch this happen almost every day. The train zips out of the station, and two minutes later, another train zips in that is virtually empty. And almost every single day, I turn to Katie and ask her why more people don't just wait, because without fail, it is always worth it. Neither of us have a good answer.
The talk here in San Francisco on the email lists and at the watercoolers is all about SXSW. Are you going? Are you staying for music? Are you having a mind blowing party with free booze and great bands? Yes! Yes! Yes!
I love SXSW. It is one of my favorite times of year because it means that everyone I know and love will be in Austin all at the same time for almost two solid weeks of partying. Yes, partying. Sure, you can go and hand out business cards or launch your business or debut your awesome video podcast, but when I think of SXSW, I think of a constant orgy of beer, whiskey, tacos and barbeque the likes of which could not exist anywhere outside of the heart of Texas.
In honor of the events coming up in just a few scant weeks, I have created an annotated timeline of my involvement in the event. I think that once you read this, you will agree that without Ben Brown, there would be no SXSW.
THE OFFICIAL ANNOTATED BEN BROWN SXSW TIMELINE
2000 - $10k Pint Glass of Gin
At my first SXSW, just 2 months after moving to Austin site unseen, my too futuristic for its own good startup, DEEPLEAP.COM hosted a party at a fancy bar called B-SIDE. We spent $10,000 on the bar tab that night, which constituted the last money invested in the company. Notably, we did not release or even discuss our product at the party, because we were in "stealth mode." What retards! But it was a good party, and we had an awesome fake TV ad.
(Deepleap, in case you are not old skool enough to remember, was like Delicious + RSS + API culture + Stikkit + Widgets all in one beautiful cross platform package, but, you know, 7 years too soon.)
2000 also marked the first SXSW panel about blogging. There was much discussion about how blogging made publishing online easier, and that people would continue to visit your site even if you were not spending hours and hours putting together some kind of cool interactive art. What this meant to me was that all the people who I had come to respect as artists and innovators were selling out for hits. I stood up and gave quite the tear soaked and impassioned speech about the internet and its power to turn everyone into an interactive artist, and Rebecca Blood had to give me a hug to stop me from sobbing after the panel.
Later on, I hosted an after party at my house where Carl Steadman and Justin Hall played the SEGA Dreamcast while it was projected 20 feet tall on my garage door. We also used Justin Hall's phone to crank call Esther Dyson. For me, this was tantamount to partying with Zeus and He-man.
Lesson learned: Do not start a company 7 years too soon. Also, no amount of tears will save the internet from humanity's urge to do nothing and be rewarded for it.
2001 - Nobody Notices Until You're Gone
In 2001, my Über cohorts and I planned a party/performance called Pretty Boys Doing Pretty Things. It was to be the FIRST performance at Bouldin Creek Coffee House, which, I am proud to say, has gone on to become quite the hip venue for indie media events.
However, in February, I decided to throw all of my clothes in a bag and move to New Zealand so that I could pursue my hot monkey lust for my future ex-wife, Ani Moller, whom I had met, essentially, via hot naked web cam chat. But thanks to the brilliant performance by Dakota Smith AS Ben Brown, Pretty Boys Doing Pretty Things went off without a hitch.
Lesson learned: It doesn't matter if I'm not there, Dakota makes a better me anyways.
2002 - The Prodigal Son Returns With a Video Camera
I returned to the US in October of 2001, quickly got married and descended into total depressive madness due to the fact that the internet industry had crumbled in my time away and I was totally unable to find a job. During this period, I filmed 10 episodes of THE BEN BROWN SHOW, a video podcast that existed roughly 5 years before video podcasts were cool.
Because of the show and my other internet comedy work, I was invited by SXSW to host the IRON WEBMASTER CHALLENGE, an event that took place on the day stage and involved 3 teams attempting to create a website about Austin while Dana Robinson and I harassed them with bad jokes about web design. Moments before starting the show, Hugh Forest met us backstage with shot glasses full of whiskey and told us not to screw anything up too badly.
That year, I hosted a round table discussion titled "Taking Online Creativity Offline," which was about using the skills you had developed in the creation of cool online stuff to make things that were made of atoms. This was inspired by my work in starting So New Media, which was basically like 8020 Publishing but 5 years ago. My panel was modestly attended, but I felt good about it. Boing Boing wrote a little snippet about my panel, ironically quoting Derek 8020 Powazek saying "I think that there's nothing inherent in a magazine that makes it more special than a website."
OH HINDSITE! I LOVE THEE!
2002 also saw the performance of PRETTY BOYS DOING PRETTY THINGS 2, which was again hosted at Bouldin Creek, and featured readings from a variety of So New Media and Uber authors. However, most of the potential audience members were stuck at Texmex restaurant and didn't arrive until after the show had ended.
Lesson learned: If you are loud enough, people will pay attention, unless they are busy eating tacos.
2003 - Drinking!
In 2003, I spoke on Kevin Smokler's Book Culture panel, which was about the overlaping worlds of web publishing and paper publishing. Neal Pollack and I threw a So New Media party at The Escapist Bookstore, which no longer exists. We had readers from two other indie publishing companies, and a few bands. About 6 people showed up.
My vague memories of this period, clouded by my recent divorce, are of drinking, drinking and also possibly some making out with strange women of the variety that comes back to haunt you later on.
2004 - Don't Do Drugs
Sometime in 2003, Adam Mathes and I got it in our heads to start a parody dating site, then called Über Personals. Somehow, this qualified me to speak on a panel at SXSW about dating sites and the online dating industry. My co-panelists were Lance Arthur (the gay angle), Jonathan Abrams (founder of Friendster) and some PR flack from Tickle.com.
Two notable things happened in the days leading up to my stunning performance on this panel. The day before my panel, Neal Pollack and I did a sort of fake interview / reading thing during one of the afternoon keynote slots. On the way into our performance, Jonathan Abrams (whom neither of us had met) stopped us and we had the following interaction:
JA: Hey, aren't you that Neal Pollack guy who thinks he's some sort of writer?
NP: WHY DOES THE WORLD CONSPIRE AGAINST ME AT ALL OPPORTUNITIES?!?!
BB: Let's get him!!!!
The second thing that happened is, later on that evening, I took a pill and a half of fine, fine ecstasy and spent the entire night smoking Parliament cigarettes in my kitchen.
The next morning, I was the exact opposite of prepared for my panel, and decided that the best thing I could do would be to exact petty revenge on Abrams for insulting my friend. Unfortunately, this consisted mostly of saying things like "Anyone over 30 who still uses an online dating site is a FREAK or a FAT CHICK, and thus inelligable for love of all varieties," while Abrams deftly promoted Friendster and hit on the woman from Tickle.
SO PUNK ROCK, I know. In retrospect, the years 2002-2004 saw me acting like a horrendously bitter prick most of the time, due to the one-two punch of Deepleap and my marriage imploding one after the other. AWE-SOME. Hugh Forrest from SXSW told me that most of the feedback from the dating panel was about how I should never ever be allowed on stage at SXSW again, and frankly, I agreed.
LITTLE DID THEY KNOW.
2005 - Drugs are great! Doing them will make you cool and will allow you to hang out with celebrities.
By SXSW 2005, the failure/ecstasy hang over had subsided and I was able to resume normal, positive interaction with the outside world. I was on a panel about humor on the web, during which I said that nobody could make any money being funny online, only to be sharply rebuked by my co-panelists, all of whom had made a very decent living being funny online, once again proving that I should not be allowed to speak publicly.
Other than my panel, 2005 was a wild ride for me and the Ben Brown team. I met Malcolm Gladwell and became his unofficial party guide, texting him the details of all the good parties throughout the week. I launched Austinist, and power blogged my way through the entire interactive, film and music festivals and established Austinist as the GO TO blog for information about Austin's culture. And I began the slow and careful process of seducing a beautiful UT coed named Katie Spence. Rrowr.
Traditionally, SXSW had ended with a giant blowout part at the home of local author and futurist, Bruce Sterling. However, for whatever reason, they decided to have the 2005 closing party somewhere else. The alternate venue was not very good, and the party quickly lost steam. I told a small handful of my friends to come back to my place, where I had stashed a six pack or two. One of those friends happened to be Molly "Tell Everyone There's a Party at Ben's" Steenson. 30 minutes later, 100 people showed up at my house for the wildest impromptu naked nerds in hottubs party SXSW has ever seen.
Ironically, though the magnitude of this party probably surprised and awed some of the interactive attendees, it was overshadowed to such a degree by the party we threw just days later that it barely warrants mention. During the music portion of SXSW -- and I will take a quick moment here 1800 words in to mention that if you haven't stayed for music, you haven't actually been to SXSW -- my friend Ultragrrrl put on a party at my house that was possibly the best party ever thrown in any house anywhere.
TOP THAT.
Oh, I also launched Consumating. This is a picture of me and Adam giving Jeff Veen and Molly Steenson a first look at the first social network to allow members to tag themselves:
2006 - Video Killed The Internet Star, where killed is a metaphor for "grant exposure to the people watching IFC at 3:30AM on a Sunday."
A few weeks before SXSW 2006, the Independent Film Channel contacted me. They were looking for an interactive attendee who would be willing to appear in a documentary about the festival. They had heard of my various exploits in years past, and offered the job to me. I lept at it like a hungry tiger on acid. Thus, I spent the entire time at SXSW either talking into a video camera held by my childhood friend Tim, or talking into a video camera held by a real live professional film crew. The entire show can be seen in a thoroughly annotated form right here!
I spoke in 2006 on a panel about starting a business, or running a business or something like that. It was me and several people much, much, much wealthier than I. Basically, my message was: start a business, it is fun and even if you fail, at least you are not working for the man. Ironically, I was hardcore working for the man at that point, as I had recently sold Consumating to CNET Networks.
What I would add now to that presentation is, if you are going to sell your company, make sure that the people who buy it actually want it for a purpose greater than increasing their hipster cred.
My friends at Odeo and Adaptive Path helped me throw an awesome party at The Velvet Spade. We spent a lot of money on alcohol, and PEEL played so well that DOOCE let down her hair and danced. I had a camera crew following me around until they were thrown out of the party by the CEO of Adaptive Path. And I got extraordinarily drunk on the shots of Crown Royal that the bar owner kept making me do with him. It was awesome like an awesome party should be.
2007 - Please, Don't Hurt Me
I hear that this year is going to be a crazy SXSW. Judging by the number of people who have emailed me to ask where they should throw their all night open bar party, we will all be drunk, naked and covered in BBQ sauce by the beginning of the first panel session, and I for one relish the opportunities for business and career development that this will create. Consumating is once again throwing a no-holds-barred party with our friends from CHOW, and if you feed me enough whiskey, I might tell you where the after party is going to be. This is a timeline, so it doesn't really need to have a conclusion, but I will leave you with the following thoughts:
1. SXSW is awesome, but Austin is better when none of you are there.
2. SXSW Interactive is a great place to get with girls who are hot for RSS, but they will haunt your blog comments for years.
3. You may feel cool because you go to Austin and get drunk on Google's dime once a year, but the coolest SXSWi attendee pales in comparison to the dorkiest SXSW Music attendee EVEN IF the comparison stops at what sort of socks you are wearing. So don't get too full of yourself, jerko ... OR, buy yourself a music badge and stay for an extra week this time. YOU WANT TO BE COOL, DON'T YOU?
Now, when I say "all over," I mean they are on virtually every surface that a sticker could be stuck on as well as on the ground and in the street. This morning, I slipped on one of the ones that had peeled off the wall, and nearly broke my neck. I thought I'd shoot a little video message for the brilliant minds at Toyota's marketing department who came up with the great idea to market their confusing flash game site to the residents of Bernal Heights. Please to enjoy, and if you feel my pain, reblog! Or you could write an email to Scion asking what their plans are for cleaning up the mess they made.
PS. It is not just Toyota I am angry with... I posted by first Yelp the other day about a pizza restaurant who had junked up my neighborhood with flyers. Come on, people! Stop trashing up my city!
Watch this video on Revver, Super Deluxe, Youtube, or Webshots. Oh wait, Webshots says my video is broken! That's weird!
My new house shares its corner with a bus stop. The bus comes every few minutes, and people get on and off. Sometimes, the people who use the bus stop sit on the stoop in front of my house and eat a snack while waiting. I like the idea that my little front porch provides the needy with a place to stop and rest, but it upsets me when the people leave their trash. Yesterday morning, for example, I came home to find an orange peel in pieces all over my steps.
Annoying! Now, I have to sweep up gross rotting orange bits so that my house does not look like a trash pile, and so that people don't see a trash pile forming and decide, hey, what the heck, I'll throw my trash in there too!
This morning, while I was on the bus to work, there was a girl sitting across from me. She had her headphones on and was bopping happily. She opened up her bag and pulled out an orange an began peeling it. I looked at her, then I looked up at the sign that says NO FOOD OR DRINK, and then I looked back at her. The orange smelled good. She tore the peel off in a bunch of small pieces and held them in her left hand. Why does she get to eat an orange when everyone else on the bus is hungry, I thought. Oh well, I thought. I'm going to eat the shit out of a bagel when I get to work.
The bus pulled to a stop on a steep hill in Noe Valley. The girl quickly hopped up onto her seat and pulled the window open. As the bus proceeded down the hill, I watched her throw the pieces of orange peel out the window and onto the street and sidewalk below.
My heart raced. This, I could not stand for.
"Excuse me," I said.
She looked at me, but did not take her earphones off.
"Excuse me," I said again, motioning to her ears. She took the headphones off. "I couldn't help but notice you throw that orange peel out the window," I said. "You know, that was someone's front yard. Someone is going to come out of their house this morning and see that you've thrown trash all over it, and they're probably going to have to clean it up."
"So?" she said.
"Well, we all live in this city together, and everything you throw on the ground stays on the ground til someone picks it up. What if nobody picked it up? What if everyone is just like you? Pretty soon, we'll all be living under a blanket of trash. Would it be so hard to carry a little zip lock bag for your trash? Or to carry it with you until you got off the bus and found a trash can? Or, heaven forbid, just wait until you get off the bus to eat in the first place?"
"Fuck off," she said.
"But it's more than that," I continued, unphased. "The attitude that says its OK to throw an orange peel out of the window is the same attitude that says its OK to pollute our rivers and streams with toxic pig shit industrial waste, and its the same attitude that says its OK to buy a gas guzzling SUV just to flex your spending muscle, and hey, why not dump all of our trash into the ocean and be done with it! Someone will eventually figure it all out for us and save us from the trash blanket!"
"What right do you have to lecture me?" she said, indignant.
"Beside the fact that you clearly do not care about following the rules, social or otherwise, or being a socially responsible person and thus have very little right to be indignant about being lectured, what gives me the right to bring this up to you is that I live in San Francisco, and I care about this city. I want to make sure it stays a beautiful city, and that we respect our home. And in a bigger picture way, I care about California and the environment and the world, and in an even bigger way, I care about you and your future family, God Help Us, and I care about your great great grandkids coming out of their houses in the morning to a fresh and crisp San Francisco morning and not having to step over someone's carelessly fucking discarded FUCKING ORANGE PEELS."
I realized then that I had leaned forward quite a bit, and was waving my fingers menacingly in the air. I sat back and took a deep breath. The girl put her headphones back on and looked out the window as hard as she could. I wanted to reach her, to convey that I was not ANGRY with her, just disappointed that our society had not yet figured out the basic concept of not shitting where you sleep. But it was too late. I was the asshole, and she was the poor young girl attacked by the jackass on the bus with his OPINIONS about THINGS. The bus arrived at my stop. I got off. She flipped me the bird as the bus moved on. And that was that.
I feel it is my duty to once again warn you that one day, the squid will rise and take over dry land and eat us all in think, fried slices. New Zealand fisherman caught a colossal squid! Just so you know, the colossal squid has swiveling hooks on its tentacles instead of suckers, and is larger and more aggressive than the giant squid. All hail!
I also want to point out this: NoodleScar Daily. It is a daily, very short, very funny video show thing. I would love to do something like this.
Also, I wanted to note that I've switched back to using my Motorola Razr instead of my fancy and far too expensive Nokia N90. The N90 was just too damned big and heavy to use as a phone. I still think it is a great mini digital video recorder, but fuck, it was just too annoying to have in my pocket. In comparison, my Razr feels like it isn't even there -- it's about 3/4 the size of my already tiny wallet.
On a related note, I have started carrying a Moleskine Memo Pocket book with a one of these little guys inside. Super handy, because I can jot down notes AND carry my receipts, business cards, stickers and miscellaneous other bullshit I accumulate just by living my life. All I need is a good pen. Any suggestions?
I am supposed to go to Tahoe this weekend for one of those rave parties, but now it is snowing and 18 degrees and I am thinking, what, am I retarded? 18 degrees? I can barely handle the cold bathroom floor in the morning.
Katie just had an essay published in a new online magazine! Her story is about fried eggs. The title of this post was my suggested last line, which did not make the final cut of the story. I AM SO PROUD, my girlfriend is a zinester.
Dear Internets,
My brother, who is a scientist, has just started a new site where he is posting his ideas, science or not. He spends his days elbow deep in the guts of a variety of species of skates and rays, so you can imagine the kind of ideas he has. The Genuine Simon Brown. Click it!
Gosh, I wish there was a better way for me to just send you a stream of links to click!
Love,
Ben
